xm301

Hello again, world\n

I have a project. I wish I could tell you about it, but I can't. It would be conflating identities, because when it goes public it will be associated with the my legal identity. Besides that, it probably wouldn't interest you. It is remarkable for its obscurity. However, I can tell you how I feel about it.

I am galvanized. I am obsessed. I feel compelled. I don't want to do anything else. However, it requires a brain in a refreshed and relaxed state to pursue it, and I can only work on it for so long before I am exhausted. This conflict is very beneficial to my life, as I am driven to make optimal use of my waking and sleeping time to maximize my productive working time. Without a driver like this project, I just don't care, and I let everything go to hell.

Why do I feel like this? Twice, when planning out my actions I found the anticipation and satisfaction so great, I cried. Sometimes (when tired, etc) I feel trivial things intensely and can be easily moved to tears, but I've never felt anything like that over something I mean to create.

Which is not to say this project is an unusual occurrence in my life. I often become obsessed with a project. The attraction is usually novelty. I build just to understand something, but never to express something.

This time, I have something to say, and I think I have the means to express it with greater fidelity than anything I have ever said before. I am writhing at the thought. I almost can't stand it.

It is clearly a form of madness. Sometimes I wonder if I have finally discovered what I am. I always imagine myself to be a would-be game designer and developer. I don't think of my creation as a game, though it could be. It is purely an artistic expression. I consider games to be art (or at least culture) but I never considered myself as a game designer to be an artist. I have no other word for the role I am now performing.

If there is anything that popular stories about artists have taught me, it's that these feelings are very dangerous. Do not listen to any impulses involving removing body parts. I also feel like I need to ration these feelings, so I do not wear them (or myself) out. So often I will become too engrossed in something, burn out, and never touch it again. It leaves me aimless.

I want so badly to succeed at this. I would think it to be the first time. I shall report back when the situation changes.
xm301

I'm thirty seconds from letting the monkeys out

If I am reading Garth's blog correctly, the Liberals saw their shadows yesterday, so it's six more months of horseshit. Horseshit such as:

The diplomatic communiqués — marked "secret" — disclose that Canadian officials were aware that the Afghan National Directorate of Security (NDS) engaged in forms of torture of prisoners after they were transferred into NDS custody, the rights group said.

When the issue was lasted pressed in Parliament, the Cons pooh-poohed and misdirected. We don't have "proof" of torture, wheedled Day. We don't need proof. What we have is a system that allows for torture. What we unequivocally need is one that does not. Whether or not it is occurring is immaterial, except for the additional shame and dishonour it brings us.

The Conservatives are "soft" (to say the least!!) on capital punishment, on extraordinary rendition and torture, and ironically, on conservatism. The PCs once had a reputation as a staid and CONSERVATIVE (if corrupt and pro corporate interest) choice. Our present CPs have adopted the shrill, disingenuous moralizing, the cynical media manipulation and the paranoiac obfuscation of their Republican brethren. Not only have they abandoned Canadian values, they've abandoned their own values.

I'm moving to fucking Whitehorse. I'd just move to the bush in Quebec, but really, if push came to shove, we'd drag them down with the rest of us.
xm301

Just for fun

Yay, I beat my demographic group. But I'd hoped I'd do better. This version of the purity test does not go into ethics, drugs, etc., just sexual history.

Your Ultimate Purity Test 2.0 Score Is...
Your Score: Average For All Users Average For All Straight Liberal Married Pink-Skinned 27 to 33-Year old Males
(56 total)
Dating 0% 34.14% 16.07% Gone steady
Self-Lovin' 27.27% 60.91% 35.88% When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself
Shamelessness 54.84% 77.36% 69.3% It takes a couple of drinks
Sex Drive 54.76% 75.03% 61.18% A fool for love, but not always
Straightness 3.7% 39.26% 9.59% Knows the other body type like a map
Gayness 87.04% 78.15% 89.45% Repressed, are we?
Dominant 45% 86.71% 71.55% Whips people into shape
Submissive 53.97% 87.08% 82.03% Bound and gagged a few times
Fucking Sick 70.41% 89.83% 82.85% Dipped into depravity
Total Score 48.48% 73.74% 62.13%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test 2.0
and see how you match up!


(By The Ferrett)
xm301

coffeecoffeecoffee

It's 5:30 PM and I am drinking the best coffee I ever made. Quad cappuccino, roasted yesterday, ground just now. Fair trade, but I can't really taste it. Ahhh, I remember that smell. Wa-hoy, I remember that feeling. I love you, coffee. You are the perfect coffee, coffee. I wish I could drink you forever, but you're already half gone.
xm301

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